Yesterday I was talking with my girlfriends at work and we were making plans for next Saturday when some event is gong on in the next town. They've decided that the 3 of us that are single are going to go over there on Saturday. While we were talking my buddy that I've known since we moved to town over 20 years ago came in. He works in our warehouse and is married. He's been friends with ex and I since we moved here. He and his wife moved here in May almost 21 years ago, we moved here in August and we all joined the same church.
Anyway ... He's the one that ex didn't call for 3 months until I made him call about helping him get the rest of his stuff out (which BTW - is still not gone - but the big sofa and the grills are!) So the reason he came in my office was to bring a TV cart over that I had ordered. I asked him to stick it in the car and also said if he got a chance to stop by the house this weekend and bring it up to my room because it was too heavy. (Ex & I have gotten buddy to help us with stuff like that for years. Our daughter has even called him when she couldn't get us and had locked her keys in her car. He's that kind of friend - so it wasn't anything suggestive when I asked him to bring the cart up to my room) Well, he stood there and laughed with us and listened in on some of the conversation - which was fine. And I made a joke that my friends were trying to get me laid.
Soooo today he drops by to take the cart up to the room. Then, before he leaves, he turns at the door and says:
"One more thing - I couldn't say anything in front of the posse there - but I heard what ya'll were talking about."
Me (laughing) - "Oh, you mean about getting laid?"
Him (NOT laughing) - "Yeah, did you mean that?"
Me (still clueless) - "Yeah! You got someone for me?"
Him (lifts his eyebrows like "duh")
Me - (NOT LAUGHING ANYMORE!) "You mean YOU???"
Him - "Yeah, we'd keep it just between us."
Me - "duh, duh, duh" (OMG, OMG, OMG)
Me - "YOU'RE MARRIED!"
Him - "My marriage is exactly where yours was."
Me - "Then why don't you get a divorce? Ohhh - you waiting on the kids, right?"
Him - "Yes - I've got about three more years. But if things don't change then I'm out of there."
Me - "I don't think I'm to that point yet, Buddy. As bad as things were with Ex and me, I never even considered cheating on him."
Him - "Well, if you get the itch - just call. No one would think anything about my truck being over here. You could say you need some furniture moved and we could both move something."
Me - "Ok-k-k-k-ay"
OH MY GOD! There was a little more conversation - but that was the gist of it. Although when he said that about 3 more years, I said I understood. I get along okay with his wife - but she's VERY obnoxious - she's one of these that's smart, but very insecure and so she wants to hog any and all conversations so you can see how smart and "good" she is. She does lots of church work, including a prison ministry - but she makes sure EVERYONE knows it.
She also weighs at least 350 pounds - so I know I look GOOD compared to that! But I told him I didn't blame him because she isn't very nice to him. And she isn't. I've said for a long time I didn't know how he put up with her. She talks very badly about him and puts him down at any and all opportunities. I guess it's very judgmental of me, but I can't help but think that she's lucky she got ANYONE to marry her (although supposedly she wasn't that big when they married - don't know) - let alone someone as nice and easy going as "Buddy".
BUT - is that the real reason I'm saying no? I'm not attracted to him at all like that - but I like him a lot for a friend. He's a good fellow - but not someone I'd really want to be with. If he was better looking, better educated - would I be so morally superior? I'm really afraid that I wouldn't. What does that say about me? All my talk about being so against cheating - is it because the opportunity never came up before? I can say that I NEVER gave off the "vibes" that I was open for business when I was married. But now I'm not married - so do I just say it's okay as long as it's not ME? Especially when I know from my personal knowledge that they don't have a good marriage - it's not just some man saying that to me?
I guess it's good to know that I'm not so desperate for sex that I'd just take anybody. But it's not so good to know that the only thing holding me back is my attraction level - not my morality level.
Anyway ... He's the one that ex didn't call for 3 months until I made him call about helping him get the rest of his stuff out (which BTW - is still not gone - but the big sofa and the grills are!) So the reason he came in my office was to bring a TV cart over that I had ordered. I asked him to stick it in the car and also said if he got a chance to stop by the house this weekend and bring it up to my room because it was too heavy. (Ex & I have gotten buddy to help us with stuff like that for years. Our daughter has even called him when she couldn't get us and had locked her keys in her car. He's that kind of friend - so it wasn't anything suggestive when I asked him to bring the cart up to my room) Well, he stood there and laughed with us and listened in on some of the conversation - which was fine. And I made a joke that my friends were trying to get me laid.
Soooo today he drops by to take the cart up to the room. Then, before he leaves, he turns at the door and says:
"One more thing - I couldn't say anything in front of the posse there - but I heard what ya'll were talking about."
Me (laughing) - "Oh, you mean about getting laid?"
Him (NOT laughing) - "Yeah, did you mean that?"
Me (still clueless) - "Yeah! You got someone for me?"
Him (lifts his eyebrows like "duh")
Me - (NOT LAUGHING ANYMORE!) "You mean YOU???"
Him - "Yeah, we'd keep it just between us."
Me - "duh, duh, duh" (OMG, OMG, OMG)
Me - "YOU'RE MARRIED!"
Him - "My marriage is exactly where yours was."
Me - "Then why don't you get a divorce? Ohhh - you waiting on the kids, right?"
Him - "Yes - I've got about three more years. But if things don't change then I'm out of there."
Me - "I don't think I'm to that point yet, Buddy. As bad as things were with Ex and me, I never even considered cheating on him."
Him - "Well, if you get the itch - just call. No one would think anything about my truck being over here. You could say you need some furniture moved and we could both move something."
Me - "Ok-k-k-k-ay"
OH MY GOD! There was a little more conversation - but that was the gist of it. Although when he said that about 3 more years, I said I understood. I get along okay with his wife - but she's VERY obnoxious - she's one of these that's smart, but very insecure and so she wants to hog any and all conversations so you can see how smart and "good" she is. She does lots of church work, including a prison ministry - but she makes sure EVERYONE knows it.
She also weighs at least 350 pounds - so I know I look GOOD compared to that! But I told him I didn't blame him because she isn't very nice to him. And she isn't. I've said for a long time I didn't know how he put up with her. She talks very badly about him and puts him down at any and all opportunities. I guess it's very judgmental of me, but I can't help but think that she's lucky she got ANYONE to marry her (although supposedly she wasn't that big when they married - don't know) - let alone someone as nice and easy going as "Buddy".
BUT - is that the real reason I'm saying no? I'm not attracted to him at all like that - but I like him a lot for a friend. He's a good fellow - but not someone I'd really want to be with. If he was better looking, better educated - would I be so morally superior? I'm really afraid that I wouldn't. What does that say about me? All my talk about being so against cheating - is it because the opportunity never came up before? I can say that I NEVER gave off the "vibes" that I was open for business when I was married. But now I'm not married - so do I just say it's okay as long as it's not ME? Especially when I know from my personal knowledge that they don't have a good marriage - it's not just some man saying that to me?
I guess it's good to know that I'm not so desperate for sex that I'd just take anybody. But it's not so good to know that the only thing holding me back is my attraction level - not my morality level.
Wow. That one kinda struck a nerve. I have to be perfectly honest. I'm a little bothered by the tone of your post. As someone living in HER shoes, let me plead with you to give buddy no more opportunity to proposition you. If you would like for me to elaborate on the effects it would have on buddy's wife, I can. But, please, run from this loser. There is no honor in his proposition.
ReplyDeleteI apologize if that comes off preachy and judgemental. That is not my intent. I'm just aware of what affairs do to the unsuspecting spouse. It ain't pretty.