I ran half of my 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight! Ran it!! I'm really excited about that. I've been doing 25 minutes on the treadmill and 20 minutes on either the bike or the Nu-Step so that I'm doing a total of 45 minutes of cardio. Still haven't started on the weights yet - but they're coming.
While I work out, I listen to music and tonight I really got in the zone with it. I picture myself singing and dancing to it - like a character on "Glee"! I tell myself, "I'm light as a feather, I'm light as a feather" when my feet start feeling heavy. And then - time's up and I've done it. I'm sweaty and stinky and I love it!
I called the office of the surgeon who did my surgery 6 1/2 years ago and got them to recommend a plastic surgeon for reconstruction. I'm finally ready to take that step. I've done a lot of thinking about it and about how deeply ex hurt me with his remarks. But if I'm totally honest - was some of my hesitance to get reconstruction a way of keeping him at a distance? I knew he was a boob man - he always has been. And I had 'em! When we were young, they were big and round and sexy - but as we got older and I got fatter - they did not make me feel sexy at all. But God bless him - he still liked to play with them.
In my defense, I was told not to have reconstruction for at least 2 years - but when the 2 years was up - I made it pretty clear to ex that I did not want to have that surgery. And in this spirit of honesty - if he had told me then that he wanted me to - I think it would have pissed me off. When he later talked about how he didn't find me attractive because of not having them - I was so mad that he hadn't had the balls to tell me back then that he wanted me to do it. But would I have listened? I don't know - I think I would have used that as one more thing to be mad at him about. I think it was a case of he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't - and for that, I am sorry. I was not honest with myself about my lack of attraction to him - so I certainly wasn't honest with him about it. I think if we'd had a good sex life all along, hell - a good marriage in general - I would have definitely had that surgery as soon as possible.
But anyway - I'm having it now. I know it will be several more months - I've got to wait until after daughter's best friend's wedding the end of July - but I look forward to it. To buying normal bras, normal bathing suits and not having to worry about buying tops that cover the big thick straps! I'm movin' on in so many areas of my life - and I'm really proud of that.
While I work out, I listen to music and tonight I really got in the zone with it. I picture myself singing and dancing to it - like a character on "Glee"! I tell myself, "I'm light as a feather, I'm light as a feather" when my feet start feeling heavy. And then - time's up and I've done it. I'm sweaty and stinky and I love it!
I called the office of the surgeon who did my surgery 6 1/2 years ago and got them to recommend a plastic surgeon for reconstruction. I'm finally ready to take that step. I've done a lot of thinking about it and about how deeply ex hurt me with his remarks. But if I'm totally honest - was some of my hesitance to get reconstruction a way of keeping him at a distance? I knew he was a boob man - he always has been. And I had 'em! When we were young, they were big and round and sexy - but as we got older and I got fatter - they did not make me feel sexy at all. But God bless him - he still liked to play with them.
In my defense, I was told not to have reconstruction for at least 2 years - but when the 2 years was up - I made it pretty clear to ex that I did not want to have that surgery. And in this spirit of honesty - if he had told me then that he wanted me to - I think it would have pissed me off. When he later talked about how he didn't find me attractive because of not having them - I was so mad that he hadn't had the balls to tell me back then that he wanted me to do it. But would I have listened? I don't know - I think I would have used that as one more thing to be mad at him about. I think it was a case of he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't - and for that, I am sorry. I was not honest with myself about my lack of attraction to him - so I certainly wasn't honest with him about it. I think if we'd had a good sex life all along, hell - a good marriage in general - I would have definitely had that surgery as soon as possible.
But anyway - I'm having it now. I know it will be several more months - I've got to wait until after daughter's best friend's wedding the end of July - but I look forward to it. To buying normal bras, normal bathing suits and not having to worry about buying tops that cover the big thick straps! I'm movin' on in so many areas of my life - and I'm really proud of that.
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