Okay - sick at home yesterday and couldn't work up the energy to write anything. Today, I'm somewhat better but still coughing so much I wet my pants and now to add to the little formula of sexiness and high self esteem - diarrhea.
So that once again puts me on the downward side of divorce - it's pathetic how much our outlook on life is colored by our physical well-being. It makes me understand ex - who was always depressed - a little better. I know he couldn't help it - but I don't know that it would have made any difference if I had been nicer to him about it. He'd still be depressed - it was a clinical thing.
But anyway - today I've been thinking about a high school friend that I just don't get what's going on with him. He was one of my best friends in high school - never romantically involved although I'm pretty sure he wanted to be. I had no physical attraction to him at all and in high school that's much more important than it is later in life. We kind of went our separate ways in college mainly because any time I saw him he was drunk. I got over the major partying phase pretty quickly in college - and I got tired of never having a conversation with him when he wasn't drunk. He became a Dr. and moved to the larger town an hour from where I live now. We ran into each other twice when we were both out and about and saw each other at a reunion - but that was it. He was married, but his wife was never with him when I saw him nor did she come to the reunion. So fast forward to November, 2010 when I changed my Facebook status to "It's complicated". I get a private message from him - "what's going on? your status change raised the red flag" - so I told him and he tells me he's in the middle of a nasty divorce. So we talk back and forth for a while and we'd chat some on-line - every time he was the one that instigated it. Pretty much commiserating together. Then he says, "we live so close it's ridiculous we don't get together some time for drinks." "Sure", I say, "let me know when a good time for you is". "Sure", he says. Then hear from again from time to time - he says the same things but never any specific plans.
This goes on until January. Finally - I text him - "I'm shopping in town today - you want to meet for dinner?" Don't hear from him until really late and he says his daughter is still home for winter break and he's spending time with her. "Okay - y'all have fun" I say - "some other time".
My parents join Facebook and he befriends them and sends them this really sweet e-mail about me. So right before I went on my cruise, I was up shopping again and text him. Don't hear anything. Text him again - don't hear anything. So finally I called him and got his voice mail, "R, I don't know what's going on with you - I don't know if you're afraid of me or really this busy - but give me a call" So he texts me 5 minutes later - "I'm on a date, I'll call you tomorrow" I text back "LOL - have a good time!"
And.... I haven't heard from him since. So what is up with that? It really pisses me off. I wasn't trying to be his next wife, I wasn't even trying to have a "real" date - I was following up on what HE started. I really looked forward to seeing him and commiserating our new lives together. I think the thing that pisses me off the most is it makes me feel like HE thinks I was trying to start something with him and he's not interested. But HE started it, he kept talking about meeting for dinner and talking, he e-mailed my PARENTS. So now I feel like this desperate, divorced loser. And once again, I'm sitting home all day on a Saturday. I can justify some of it with the fact that I'm sick - but it's not like I'd be doing anything different if I wasn't sick. (literally had to stop typing to go throw up phlegm I was coughing so hard -YUCK!)
I guess what really pisses me off is that I thought that at least I had R as someone to "fall" back on. Someone to DO something with - and now I feel that's not going to happen. Was that selfish of me? I wasn't trying to make something out of nothing, I didn't plan to lead him on - I just wanted a FRIEND that could go out on a Saturday night without having to check with husbands, kids, etc. Someone that I thought was in the same boat as me.
So that once again puts me on the downward side of divorce - it's pathetic how much our outlook on life is colored by our physical well-being. It makes me understand ex - who was always depressed - a little better. I know he couldn't help it - but I don't know that it would have made any difference if I had been nicer to him about it. He'd still be depressed - it was a clinical thing.
But anyway - today I've been thinking about a high school friend that I just don't get what's going on with him. He was one of my best friends in high school - never romantically involved although I'm pretty sure he wanted to be. I had no physical attraction to him at all and in high school that's much more important than it is later in life. We kind of went our separate ways in college mainly because any time I saw him he was drunk. I got over the major partying phase pretty quickly in college - and I got tired of never having a conversation with him when he wasn't drunk. He became a Dr. and moved to the larger town an hour from where I live now. We ran into each other twice when we were both out and about and saw each other at a reunion - but that was it. He was married, but his wife was never with him when I saw him nor did she come to the reunion. So fast forward to November, 2010 when I changed my Facebook status to "It's complicated". I get a private message from him - "what's going on? your status change raised the red flag" - so I told him and he tells me he's in the middle of a nasty divorce. So we talk back and forth for a while and we'd chat some on-line - every time he was the one that instigated it. Pretty much commiserating together. Then he says, "we live so close it's ridiculous we don't get together some time for drinks." "Sure", I say, "let me know when a good time for you is". "Sure", he says. Then hear from again from time to time - he says the same things but never any specific plans.
This goes on until January. Finally - I text him - "I'm shopping in town today - you want to meet for dinner?" Don't hear from him until really late and he says his daughter is still home for winter break and he's spending time with her. "Okay - y'all have fun" I say - "some other time".
My parents join Facebook and he befriends them and sends them this really sweet e-mail about me. So right before I went on my cruise, I was up shopping again and text him. Don't hear anything. Text him again - don't hear anything. So finally I called him and got his voice mail, "R, I don't know what's going on with you - I don't know if you're afraid of me or really this busy - but give me a call" So he texts me 5 minutes later - "I'm on a date, I'll call you tomorrow" I text back "LOL - have a good time!"
And.... I haven't heard from him since. So what is up with that? It really pisses me off. I wasn't trying to be his next wife, I wasn't even trying to have a "real" date - I was following up on what HE started. I really looked forward to seeing him and commiserating our new lives together. I think the thing that pisses me off the most is it makes me feel like HE thinks I was trying to start something with him and he's not interested. But HE started it, he kept talking about meeting for dinner and talking, he e-mailed my PARENTS. So now I feel like this desperate, divorced loser. And once again, I'm sitting home all day on a Saturday. I can justify some of it with the fact that I'm sick - but it's not like I'd be doing anything different if I wasn't sick. (literally had to stop typing to go throw up phlegm I was coughing so hard -YUCK!)
I guess what really pisses me off is that I thought that at least I had R as someone to "fall" back on. Someone to DO something with - and now I feel that's not going to happen. Was that selfish of me? I wasn't trying to make something out of nothing, I didn't plan to lead him on - I just wanted a FRIEND that could go out on a Saturday night without having to check with husbands, kids, etc. Someone that I thought was in the same boat as me.
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