So after that post last night, I actually joined one of the dating sites because someone e-mailed me. So I joined to find out who it was - thinking "wow - someone e-mailed me, cool - I might get a date" and paid my money to get the email from.... some English guy - who lives in England. As in across the Atlantic Ocean. Really? I put I'm interested in meeting men within 50 miles of Smalltown, USA and that's who e-mails me???
But while I'm on there, all these chat messages start popping up. So I chat a while with a few guys and that makes me feel pretty good, "you're beautiful, I love your smile, I liked your profile etc.." - but I swear all but one of them was either deployed to Iraq or some sort of contractor in Iraq. The one guy I did talk to for a while lives within 2 hours - but other than that, I've got a guy from England or men so horny and lonely they'd poke a pig! And the 2 hours guy has a lot of flowery romance stuff in his profile - and cynical me can't help but think he puts that crap because he thinks women want to hear it. Which I guess is sort of what you should do - but shouldn't you also put your true self out there? And if that is his true self - how do I feel about that? I pretty much dismiss flowery cards and stuff - but is that good? Is that part of what made us lose the spark in our marriage - that I didn't do that stuff and neither did he? I have cards and notes from when we were teenagers that he wrote that are full of romance and deep soul revealing passages - but when did those stop? How long has it been since I didn't scoff at stuff like that - I've got to think that can't be a good thing.
So back to the dating site - There is also a place where you can see who looked at your profile - so to me this is - "Here's the guys that live within 50 miles of you that looked at your profile and said - mmmm - not so much - and moved on." So I'm either going to have to become a contractor in Iraq where I will truly be the Goddess of the Middle East - or.... what? All you can do is laugh about it right? Laugh all the way to the single room at the nursing home.
I came home today from work because I literally couldn't talk without coughing so much I'd wet my pants and frighten people nearby who thought a 90 year old homeless guy with lung cancer was in my office. Before I took my blissful magic elixir (tussionex - the wonder drug) I was talking to my daughter about all this on line stuff. She tells me that ex said he went to a nightclub by himself last weekend just to see what was there. This is very surprising to me because I can't think of a worse place for ex to go - he can barely follow a conversation when he's in the same room because of his ADD - and any noisy places - forget it! But I'm proud of him for putting himself out there.
She said there was only one woman around his age that he was remotely interested in and they kept sneaking looks at each other but he couldn't work up the nerve to go talk to her - which does NOT surprise me. I wish him luck with that - he didn't ask me out when he was young and in his prime until he checked with practically all our mutual friends to make sure I'd say yes! It's hard being a woman who is waiting to be asked out - but I really feel for guys like ex who are so afraid of rejection but have no choice but to make a move if they want to meet someone. Daughter also told him that he probably ought to get his buddy to go with him so he doesn't look like a creepy old guy! But I'm glad to report that I didn't have any feelings of jealousy or anger - I really do want him to be happy.
And to finalize this very rambling, tussionex fueled post - I was at the doctor's today to get a prescription for said elixir. Let me preface this by saying that I LOVE my doctor and he loves me. I have always been able to talk to him about anything and he is also exes doctor so he knows all about us and exes bi-polar and all the crap that goes with it. When we separated - he basically told me I needed to go get laid because he knew how long it had been. So I told him about passing up the opportunity for sex and I loved his response!
Me - "You're going to be mad at me"
Doc - after shutting the door - "Give me your hand"
Slaps my wrist and said "Okay - what happened, I'm not mad anymore"
Me - "I totally could have had sex a few weeks ago and turned it down"
Doc - "WHY??"
Me - "Fear! And I have no boobs, and I'm fat"
Doc - "Listen, men can't fake it - so if Willie was winking - you ain't too fat. And grown men know that the business end is below the waist - teenage boys play with boobs because they don't know better yet."
( Don't you LOVE that - do you see why I love this man so much?)
Me - "I just couldn't get past it at the time"
Doc - Actually what you did is normal. You haven't been in the dating world in 30 years. When I was a kid I was a lifeguard and every day we had to check the pool. At the first of every season I'd go up on the high dive and peek over the end and think - I can't do that! But then I'd walk back, hold my nose like a 5 year old and jump in. You were just peeking over the end of the board - the next time, you'll jump in. And if you don't - come back and we'll deal with that because it's all in your head."
So - let's just hope I don't have to go to the Iraqi desert to dive in!
But while I'm on there, all these chat messages start popping up. So I chat a while with a few guys and that makes me feel pretty good, "you're beautiful, I love your smile, I liked your profile etc.." - but I swear all but one of them was either deployed to Iraq or some sort of contractor in Iraq. The one guy I did talk to for a while lives within 2 hours - but other than that, I've got a guy from England or men so horny and lonely they'd poke a pig! And the 2 hours guy has a lot of flowery romance stuff in his profile - and cynical me can't help but think he puts that crap because he thinks women want to hear it. Which I guess is sort of what you should do - but shouldn't you also put your true self out there? And if that is his true self - how do I feel about that? I pretty much dismiss flowery cards and stuff - but is that good? Is that part of what made us lose the spark in our marriage - that I didn't do that stuff and neither did he? I have cards and notes from when we were teenagers that he wrote that are full of romance and deep soul revealing passages - but when did those stop? How long has it been since I didn't scoff at stuff like that - I've got to think that can't be a good thing.
So back to the dating site - There is also a place where you can see who looked at your profile - so to me this is - "Here's the guys that live within 50 miles of you that looked at your profile and said - mmmm - not so much - and moved on." So I'm either going to have to become a contractor in Iraq where I will truly be the Goddess of the Middle East - or.... what? All you can do is laugh about it right? Laugh all the way to the single room at the nursing home.
I came home today from work because I literally couldn't talk without coughing so much I'd wet my pants and frighten people nearby who thought a 90 year old homeless guy with lung cancer was in my office. Before I took my blissful magic elixir (tussionex - the wonder drug) I was talking to my daughter about all this on line stuff. She tells me that ex said he went to a nightclub by himself last weekend just to see what was there. This is very surprising to me because I can't think of a worse place for ex to go - he can barely follow a conversation when he's in the same room because of his ADD - and any noisy places - forget it! But I'm proud of him for putting himself out there.
She said there was only one woman around his age that he was remotely interested in and they kept sneaking looks at each other but he couldn't work up the nerve to go talk to her - which does NOT surprise me. I wish him luck with that - he didn't ask me out when he was young and in his prime until he checked with practically all our mutual friends to make sure I'd say yes! It's hard being a woman who is waiting to be asked out - but I really feel for guys like ex who are so afraid of rejection but have no choice but to make a move if they want to meet someone. Daughter also told him that he probably ought to get his buddy to go with him so he doesn't look like a creepy old guy! But I'm glad to report that I didn't have any feelings of jealousy or anger - I really do want him to be happy.
And to finalize this very rambling, tussionex fueled post - I was at the doctor's today to get a prescription for said elixir. Let me preface this by saying that I LOVE my doctor and he loves me. I have always been able to talk to him about anything and he is also exes doctor so he knows all about us and exes bi-polar and all the crap that goes with it. When we separated - he basically told me I needed to go get laid because he knew how long it had been. So I told him about passing up the opportunity for sex and I loved his response!
Me - "You're going to be mad at me"
Doc - after shutting the door - "Give me your hand"
Slaps my wrist and said "Okay - what happened, I'm not mad anymore"
Me - "I totally could have had sex a few weeks ago and turned it down"
Doc - "WHY??"
Me - "Fear! And I have no boobs, and I'm fat"
Doc - "Listen, men can't fake it - so if Willie was winking - you ain't too fat. And grown men know that the business end is below the waist - teenage boys play with boobs because they don't know better yet."
( Don't you LOVE that - do you see why I love this man so much?)
Me - "I just couldn't get past it at the time"
Doc - Actually what you did is normal. You haven't been in the dating world in 30 years. When I was a kid I was a lifeguard and every day we had to check the pool. At the first of every season I'd go up on the high dive and peek over the end and think - I can't do that! But then I'd walk back, hold my nose like a 5 year old and jump in. You were just peeking over the end of the board - the next time, you'll jump in. And if you don't - come back and we'll deal with that because it's all in your head."
So - let's just hope I don't have to go to the Iraqi desert to dive in!
Funny stuff! You capture the horrors of re-entering the dating world quite expressively. I'm not even close to that stage and it already frightens the life out of me. Coincidentally, Ex and me have somehting in common. Never asked a girl out on a date. My soon to be ex sought me out in high school. Love at first sight...but not last night.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing!