I'm really impressed with how much I'm enjoying my blog. I guess until you just sit down and free form your innermost thoughts - you don't actually listen to them. I have e-mailed with a man who is in the first stages of break-up and I think we've both given each other something to think about.
One of the things he talked about was how he thinks men compartmentalize things they aren't happy about - that way they don't have to deal with it. I think women compartmentalize as well - but in a different way. Men file away and forgot about it when things aren't good and figure as long as no one's crying or yelling about it - things are good. Women also file things away - but we pull it out and go through the files trying to figure things out. Men like to "fix" things - but they like to use duct tape and it doesn't stay fixed. Women know that even after you "fix" it - it can break again. Marriages would have a lot better chance if we were assigned a counselor from the very beginning! By the time most of the people I know go to counseling - it's too far gone.
I knew I wasn't happy with our marriage, but I would have stuck it out because I thought it was my duty - I'd married for better or worse, right? I had made the choice to live my life pretty much together but separate - more like roommates then a married couple. I can look back now with a pretty undetached eye and see all sorts of signs leading to our divorce - signs from even before we married. If I had known that he had a mental illness back then - would I still have married him? Probably so - for reasons I said in an earlier post.
But as crazy as he is - he was the one that had to courage to say divorce. And for him - it really was a very courageous act. He is terrified of confrontation and he told me later he thought I was going to scream and yell and pitch a fit. Which tells you how clueless he was to where I was in our marriage! I don't think I ever would have had the courage to pull the trigger. We both still have our parents and they've been married 52 and 68 years respectively! Divorce just wasn't an option in my mind. Everyone goes through a "rough" patch, right? But damn - when the whole marriage is one giant mine field - it seems kind of stupid to keep walking through it!
So thank you ex for finally being the one with the balls in the family and calling it a game. I did have a lot of good times and happiness and we have the MOST incredible daughter. So to answer my earlier question - yes, I would have done it anyway because I would not have wanted to miss out on her. She would not be the person she is if things had been different.
One of the things he talked about was how he thinks men compartmentalize things they aren't happy about - that way they don't have to deal with it. I think women compartmentalize as well - but in a different way. Men file away and forgot about it when things aren't good and figure as long as no one's crying or yelling about it - things are good. Women also file things away - but we pull it out and go through the files trying to figure things out. Men like to "fix" things - but they like to use duct tape and it doesn't stay fixed. Women know that even after you "fix" it - it can break again. Marriages would have a lot better chance if we were assigned a counselor from the very beginning! By the time most of the people I know go to counseling - it's too far gone.
I knew I wasn't happy with our marriage, but I would have stuck it out because I thought it was my duty - I'd married for better or worse, right? I had made the choice to live my life pretty much together but separate - more like roommates then a married couple. I can look back now with a pretty undetached eye and see all sorts of signs leading to our divorce - signs from even before we married. If I had known that he had a mental illness back then - would I still have married him? Probably so - for reasons I said in an earlier post.
But as crazy as he is - he was the one that had to courage to say divorce. And for him - it really was a very courageous act. He is terrified of confrontation and he told me later he thought I was going to scream and yell and pitch a fit. Which tells you how clueless he was to where I was in our marriage! I don't think I ever would have had the courage to pull the trigger. We both still have our parents and they've been married 52 and 68 years respectively! Divorce just wasn't an option in my mind. Everyone goes through a "rough" patch, right? But damn - when the whole marriage is one giant mine field - it seems kind of stupid to keep walking through it!
So thank you ex for finally being the one with the balls in the family and calling it a game. I did have a lot of good times and happiness and we have the MOST incredible daughter. So to answer my earlier question - yes, I would have done it anyway because I would not have wanted to miss out on her. She would not be the person she is if things had been different.
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