So I totally woke up in a great mood today, completely energized. Went to the bank and then worked out for an hour. The guy at the gym talked to me the whole time - thank God because my stupid Ipod wasn't charged - and it was really fun. Don't get me wrong - he's younger, married, has young kids - but I'm more open to talking to people in general and just seeing where that leads. (as in - maybe the guy has a cute uncle or something - would never fool around with a married man)
I believe this new found energy comes from just the thought that I COULD have had sex, that someone worth wanting was interested and there is the slight possibility of it next week. Yes, I'm going on a cruise! Woo hoo! Of course, since ex left 2 weeks after I paid the non-refundable deposit (dumb ass - ought to get my $200 back from him) I am making my mom come in his place. The whole purpose of the cruise was for my aunt & uncle's 50th anniversary. All my Yankee cousins will be there with their families, daughter & her fiance are going and me and my mom. So I really don't think the old "sock on the door" thing will be happening with my mom - but I do plan to open myself up to talk to people - come out of my comfort zone. I'm great with people I know, after I've been around them a few days - but I am so bad at just meeting people and coming up with something interesting to say. So I'm setting a goal of meeting new people and flirting like crazy.
It's also occurred to me that because I've pretty much had a steady boyfriend from the time I could bat my eyes until now - I've never just dated. I've never just flirted around and gone out with different people. I have ALWAYS had a steady boyfriend - and pretty much as soon as we'd break up - there'd be another one. But that was junior high & high school. It's been a LONG time - and I'm in a small town where everyone I know is either married or a redneck that I wouldn't want to go out with anyway. So it's very scary to think of where I might meet "datable" guys now. I guess it's no mystery that most people meet their spouses in college - where else are you thrown together with that many eligible people, with the same interests and a party to go to all the time to meet them? There is no "grown-up" equivalent of that but the Internet, I guess. But I'm not ready for that yet - a large part of my issue with conference guy was my body image - and it don't look any better in a picture!
One of the reasons I could just kick myself for not having sex with him is that he KNEW I didn't have breasts. That is not really a conversation you want to have with someone AFTER you got hot and heavy - but it's kind of hard to get to it before then. I guess I could walk up to random cute guys and say, "Just so you know - I had breast cancer & a double mastectomy. So if my fat body turns you on - know that you've got that to look forward to" Yeah - definitely body issues here! The workouts will help and the other thing my new sex happiness has brought is not much of an appetite - so that's kind of nice that they're working together! But the boobs - too bad I'm not a starfish and could just spontaneously re-grow them!
I believe this new found energy comes from just the thought that I COULD have had sex, that someone worth wanting was interested and there is the slight possibility of it next week. Yes, I'm going on a cruise! Woo hoo! Of course, since ex left 2 weeks after I paid the non-refundable deposit (dumb ass - ought to get my $200 back from him) I am making my mom come in his place. The whole purpose of the cruise was for my aunt & uncle's 50th anniversary. All my Yankee cousins will be there with their families, daughter & her fiance are going and me and my mom. So I really don't think the old "sock on the door" thing will be happening with my mom - but I do plan to open myself up to talk to people - come out of my comfort zone. I'm great with people I know, after I've been around them a few days - but I am so bad at just meeting people and coming up with something interesting to say. So I'm setting a goal of meeting new people and flirting like crazy.
It's also occurred to me that because I've pretty much had a steady boyfriend from the time I could bat my eyes until now - I've never just dated. I've never just flirted around and gone out with different people. I have ALWAYS had a steady boyfriend - and pretty much as soon as we'd break up - there'd be another one. But that was junior high & high school. It's been a LONG time - and I'm in a small town where everyone I know is either married or a redneck that I wouldn't want to go out with anyway. So it's very scary to think of where I might meet "datable" guys now. I guess it's no mystery that most people meet their spouses in college - where else are you thrown together with that many eligible people, with the same interests and a party to go to all the time to meet them? There is no "grown-up" equivalent of that but the Internet, I guess. But I'm not ready for that yet - a large part of my issue with conference guy was my body image - and it don't look any better in a picture!
One of the reasons I could just kick myself for not having sex with him is that he KNEW I didn't have breasts. That is not really a conversation you want to have with someone AFTER you got hot and heavy - but it's kind of hard to get to it before then. I guess I could walk up to random cute guys and say, "Just so you know - I had breast cancer & a double mastectomy. So if my fat body turns you on - know that you've got that to look forward to" Yeah - definitely body issues here! The workouts will help and the other thing my new sex happiness has brought is not much of an appetite - so that's kind of nice that they're working together! But the boobs - too bad I'm not a starfish and could just spontaneously re-grow them!
Move, I had tried to comment on your last post, but it didn't show. Hmmmph!
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I see we share similar insecurities. I really can relate. My soon to be ex was my high school sweetheart, and she was the one who sought me out to get our first date.