Colonoscopy - written May 12th

Okay - today I had my first colonoscopy.  Partly because I'm 50 but also because I've been having recurring diarrhea problems.  The colonoscopy was a piece of cake - the prep - OMG - IT SUCKED.  Won't go into ALL the disgusting details - but after sitting on the toilet from pretty much 6:30pm to 2:30am  with a short break in between drinking the crap I had to drink - I was peeing lemonade out of my ass.  Literally.  And I now know where the expression "that really chaps my ass" comes from - because my ass was CHAPPED.

But anyway - had it done - no polyps, everything looked good and life is wonderful, right? 

WRONG!

 I ALSO had an endoscopy.  That's where they go down your mouth into your stomach.  I've had acid reflux for a while and they thought they ought to take a look.  I really thought it was overkill when they said they wanted to do it - but I have a freaking $500 co-pay for an outpatient procedure - so might as well get more bang for the buck, right?

I had over 300 polyps in my stomach!  THREE HUNDRED!  My doc - who has his own endoscopy center and does this stuff ALL DAY LONG and is at least my age if not older - said he'd NEVER seen that many, EVER.  That it was a record for him at least.  He removed 79 today - but was afraid to remove anymore because he'd remove one and two more would come with it and start bleeding.  So I have to go back in 2 months and will probably have to go back at least one other time besides that.  

The good news is that he doesn't think they are cancerous or even pre-cancerous - YET.  But they have to come out before they turn cancerous or start bleeding (some of which were) and I have a freaking hemorrhage.   He's sent them off to be biopsied and I'll know for sure next week.

WHY AM I SUCH A FREAK?  WHY DOES THIS WEIRD SHIT HAPPEN TO ME?  I didn't just get breast cancer - I got Inflammatory Breast Cancer - which I'd never even heard of before I got it.  I don't just have a polyp - I have 300 POLYPS!!  I didn't even know you got polyps in your stomach - and apparently the most anyone I know has ever heard of was 10 - 12.  I'm probably going to be in the New England Journal of Medicine!  Or the Ringling Brothers Freak Show.

UGHHHH  - I know I'm being dramatic - but DAMN!  I am tired - no sleep last night then had to be out of the house by 7:30 a.m. to be there in time and then THIS?

Plus - had a hiatal hernia - which is probably what caused the reflux.  He said that he's seen polyps form because of acid reflux medicine before - but nothing like this.  I was so dazed I didn't even ask if I should have the hernia fixed, quit taking the medicine, how long have they been there???? They're supposed to call tomorrow morning and check on me so I'll ask all that then.

Anyway - I'm going to the beach tomorrow come hell or 300 polyps.  I can't drink tomorrow - but they said I'd be fine for Saturday.  I can't drive all the way to PC tomorrow - but my friend is going to drive the car.  I'm going and I'm going to have a blast and to hell with the damn polyps or the damn biopsy.